Supporting co-workers in the aftermath of suicide
Losing someone to suicide can be both devastating and complicated, often marked by emotions that may be challenging for a co-worker to navigate on their own. However, offering compassionate care and support in the workplace can help employees feel less alone in the aftermath of suicide as they try to find ways to heal and cope with their loss.
Consider these suggestions for how to support a teammate who is grieving a suicide loss:
#1 Allow time and space for healing
In the aftermath of suicide, a co-worker may find themselves grappling with intense, mixed emotions while trying to process their loss. Create safe spaces for teammates to express what they’re feeling. One way to do this is by being present. Allow your co-worker to speak freely if they so choose, but avoid trying to “fix” things or pressuring them to talk. Let them know that you are here to support them.
#2 Offer specific ways to help
Co-workers who have experienced a suicide loss may have a difficult time asking for what they need. Because of this, saying things like “Let me know if you need anything” may not be helpful. Instead, think about something specific you can do. Taking the initiative to offer suggestions may make it easier for your teammate to accept help.
#3 Connect them to resources
Let your co-worker know about workplace benefits that may be available to them, confidential resources your HR department can offer them, and mental health benefits (like Lyra). Remember that your co-worker may be experiencing emotional and information overload in the aftermath of suicide, so it may be helpful to guide them to the right resources and offer to explain how these benefits can support them during this difficult time.
#4 Provide ongoing, long-term support
Over time, co-workers affected by suicide loss may feel increasingly alone and isolated in their grief, and even experience guilt and other mixed emotions. Make it a point to reach out during the weeks and months ahead. Show your presence as a source of support over instant message or email and during one-on-one and small-group meetings. Check in with your teammate during breaks or at the water cooler. Ask them how they’re coping, and allow them to share whatever they’re comfortable sharing.
How to talk to a co-worker in the aftermath of suicide
Talking to someone who has experienced a suicide loss may feel challenging at first. You may not know what to say, or you may wonder if you should say anything at all. However, showing your support can have a positive effect on your co-worker’s healing process.
Not sure how to talk to a co-worker when they are experiencing suicide loss? Consider these recommendations:
#1 Reach out—even if you’re not sure what to say
Sometimes worries about saying the “wrong” thing may prevent us from reaching out to a co-worker who has experienced a suicide loss. Even if you’re struggling to find the words, it’s OK to let your teammate know that while you may not know what to say, you still care. You can say something like, “I don’t know exactly what you’re going through right now, but I want to be there for you.”
#2 Offer a nonjudgmental, listening ear
Allow your co-worker to vent and share how they feel, whether it’s overwhelming sadness, anger, frustration, shame, guilt, or something else. Try not to make assumptions, and avoid giving advice unless asked. Be quick to listen and slow to speak, taking the time to reassure your teammate that you genuinely care and want to offer support.
#3 Be mindful that words matter
Avoid referring to a person who lost their life to suicide as someone who “committed suicide” as these words tend to carry negative meaning. Familiarize yourself with appropriate terms when dealing with suicide loss, such as “died by suicide.” If you catch yourself using problematic language, consider correcting yourself out loud.
It’s also important to refer to the person who died by suicide by their name. Saying their name acknowledges the individual and honors their identity and life.
#4 Avoid unhelpful cliches
Certain common phrases we reach for to offer sympathies may actually be hurtful. For example, comments like “be strong” or “you’re never given more than you can handle,” can minimize the person’s loss and how much they may be hurting. Consider saying things like “I’m so sorry for your loss” and checking in to see how you can offer specific help instead.
Suicide loss can be a painful and traumatic experience, but support can go a long way. A mental health coach or therapist can help you sort through your feelings and create a path to healing.
If you or someone you know is struggling, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available by calling or texting 988. You can also chat with someone online at 988lifeline.org.
If you or someone you know is struggling, your mental health support program is here to support you. Click on your respective country below to learn more about what resources are available to you.