Supporting kids’ and teens’ mental health

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Raising children can feel meaningful, enjoyable, and rewarding. Still, bringing up and caring for kids and teens often involves tremendous worry. We tend to fret over our kids’ physical health, school performance, social behavior, and more.

Many parents and caregivers are also worrying more about their kids’ mental health. We want our kids to enjoy life, feel good about themselves, and recover from setbacks. When our children aren’t thriving, it can be profoundly stressful.

Fortunately, parents and caregivers can play a pivotal role in supporting their kids’ mental health. Helping kids navigate change and getting professional support when needed can positively impact our kids’ well-being.

Children’s mental health concerns are common and rising

The typical stressors that come with growing up (starting school, puberty, etc.) pose risks to children’s mental health. Kids today also encounter stress due to social media, political unrest, natural disasters, and school violence. Such stressors are likely contributing to alarming trends in children’s mental health.

About 1 in 6 kids has a mental health condition at any given time, and research suggests the situation may be worsening. For example, a 2021 survey from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention revealed that 42 percent of teens felt persistently sad and hopeless. On that same survey, about 1 in 5 teens reported seriously considering suicide. Distress was higher in teen girls and lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and/or questioning teens.

It makes sense to want to support kids’ mental health. Importantly, common mental health conditions like attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), anxiety, depression, and eating disorders are treatable. When parents and caregivers take action to address kids’ distress and connect them to professional support, kids tend to recover and feel better.

How to help kids cope with change

Consider the following actions to promote positive mental health as your child navigates change:

Talk about what’s changing. Ask your kids to share pleasant and unpleasant feelings about what’s changing. Share that what they’re feeling makes sense given the circumstances, and encourage them to be patient with themselves. For example: “What’s something you’re excited about? What’s something you’re nervous about? It makes sense to feel excited and nervous given….”
Check in regularly. Initiate regular conversations about personal thoughts and feelings. Such conversations can support a trusting relationship, helping your child feel more comfortable sharing distress. Consider a daily game, like “high, low, buffalo”—everyone shares a highlight of the day, a low of the day, and something random (the buffalo).
Exude optimism. Look for the positive and express enthusiasm about what’s changing and confidence that your child will adjust. Maintaining a positive attitude can help your child feel more confident. For example: “Your new math teacher seems awesome. I think you’ll like algebra too!”
Support overall well-being. Caring for all aspects of health (physical, social, etc.) helps us manage stress. Do your best to help your child eat a balanced diet, be physically active, and sleep 9 to 11 hours a night. Encourage them to balance screen time with in-person activities (playdates, sports, etc). Sticking to familiar routines (family meals, etc.) during adjustments can also help.
Manage your own reactions. Remind yourself that your child will likely adapt, especially with your support. Managing your stress through self-care can also show kids how to manage their stress.
Watch for signs of distress. Upsetting changes in behavior or ups and downs in mood are typical as kids face changes. It can be hard to know when our kids’ upsetting behaviors warrant concern. Learning the signs of distress can help us know when to act.

What are the signs of distress in kids?

If your child is showing signs of distress for more than a few weeks, and their behavior is very disrupting or upsetting, consider seeking care. Reach out for support immediately if you’re concerned about your child hurting themselves or others.

Emotional distress signs:

Feeling afraid or worried a lot
Frequent tearfulness, appearing sad
Lacking interest or motivation
Frequent anger outbursts
Worrying a lot about their weight or appearance
Being very upset about being away from you

Behavioral distress signs:

Trouble paying attention or sitting still
Worsening school performance
Being aggressive, defiant, or destructive
Difficulty getting along or socializing with others
Refusing or skipping school
Doing things they’ve outgrown (bed-wetting, etc.)

Physical distress signs:

Not sleeping well, or sleeping too much for their age
Aches and pains without a medical cause
Changes in appetite or food choices
Weight gain or loss not consistent with growth
Trouble getting out of bed
Excessive foot tapping or leg shaking

How to talk to kids about mental health

Talking to kids about mental health is important, especially when we’re concerned. Conversations about mental health can help us understand what our kids are going through and how to help. Consider the suggestions below for discussing mental health with your child. You can adjust the language to your child’s age and personality.

Stay calm. Maintaining your composure so as not to judge or react strongly can help your child be more open and honest. Taking deep breaths before and during the conversation can help you stay calm.
Express concern. Using a kind tone, describe the changes you’ve noticed and invite them to share their thoughts or feelings. For example: “You’ve seemed stressed before school lately. Have you been feeling worried?”
Listen and show understanding. Give your child time to speak without jumping in to offer advice or problem-solve. Instead, tell them what they’re feeling makes sense and that they aren’t alone. For example: “It’s okay to feel scared. I’ve felt scared too, and I think other kids are feeling similarly.” If your child doesn’t share right away, it may take a few tries before your child opens up. Try again in a few days.
Express love and offer comfort. Through words and physical affection, tell your child you love them. Kids may worry that having struggles will disappoint their parents. Ensuring your child knows you love them no matter what can offer reassurance.
Discuss professional support. If you’re considering mental health care for your child, tell them what care is and how it can help. Comparing mental health care to medical care may be useful. For example: “Getting mental health care is like seeing the doctor when you’re hurt or sick. Mental health therapists are like doctors for upsetting feelings and thoughts. Therapists help us understand what’s going on and teach us things we can do to feel better.”
Ask for their input and continue checking in. Inviting your child to share their ideas can empower them and help you better support them. Let them know they can talk to you about their mental health anytime and you’ll keep checking in. For example: “What do you think might help? It’s okay if you’re not sure. You can talk to me about your feelings anytime. I’ll also check in with you in a few days.”

Get support for your family

Under the Hat’s mental health partners can help you clarify your family’s needs and identify a plan of action so you don’t have to do it alone. They offers easy, online signup, personalized match and limited wait times for families, parents, and kids of all ages.