How to help someone in need get mental health care

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Connecting a spouse, partner, or child to the right support can make a significant difference in their well-being, but it can be hard to know where to start.

Noticing or wondering if someone we care about is struggling with their mental health can feel overwhelming and confusing. We might be thinking, “How do I know if they need help?” “How do I help them get care?” “Will care help them get better?” or “What if they don’t want help?”

Fortunately, there are things we can do to help those we care about who are struggling with their mental health and reduce our worries. We can learn the signs that someone is in distress, how to talk about mental health with them, and what resources are available.

When supporting others, it’s important that we also support ourselves. When we take care of ourselves, we’re better able to see signs of distress in the people we care about. We’re also able to use strategies and share resources more effectively to help.

If we’re helping someone in need connect to care, it’s important for us to know that mental health treatment works and that many people start feeling better after just a few sessions.

Our encouragement can be the catalyst they need to start their recovery journey and path towards a brighter future.

Helping someone connect with care may feel daunting; however, no special training is needed. In fact, research shows that encouraging others to seek help can motivate them to engage.

Understanding our role

While our encouragement to seek care can make a difference, it’s our loved one’s responsibility to take action towards their own well-being. This means we are not responsible for others’ mental health. Therefore, being an effective supporter involves knowing the limits of our support while doing what we can to help.

It can be especially hard when our loved ones are struggling with their mental health and aren’t ready to get help. We can still support them by being patient, showing that we care, and respecting their choices. We can cope by recognizing that we’ve offered our support and accepting what’s beyond our control.

Your feelings are valid

Witnessing someone we care about face mental health challenges, such as anxiety, depression, or substance use, can bring up a lot of emotions. There’s no right or wrong way to feel when seeing a loved one struggle with their mental health. Common emotions include:

Worry or unease

Fear or anxiety

Frustration or irritability

Anger or resentment

Helplessness or hopelessness

Emotional exhaustion or compassion fatigue

Numbness or apathy

We can support ourselves by recognizing that difficult feelings are normal and offering ourselves the same care we’d offer a loved one. We may also benefit from seeking mental health care ourselves to help us cope.

Not knowing whether to help someone we care about connect to mental health care can make us feel stuck. We can get unstuck by learning common warning signs of mental health distress.

Signs that someone may need mental health care

Warning signs are personal “red flags” that signal someone may be experiencing mental health problems and needs support. They are observable and notable differences in someone’s typical behavior. For example, a very social friend starts canceling plans. Common warning signs include:

Avoiding others

Calling out sick from work/school

Declining work/school performance

Fidgeting or appearing restless

Trouble making decisions

Not keeping up with hygiene

Using a lot of drugs or alcohol

Sleeping too much or too little

Eating a lot more or less

Changes in mood (tearfulness, irritability, etc.)

Getting mad easily

Engaging in risky behaviors (driving recklessly, etc.)

Having trouble concentrating or remembering

Having thoughts of suicide

Engaging in self-harm

If you’ve noticed someone experiencing one or more warning sign(s), they may benefit from mental health care. Mental health treatment is highly effective and can lead to improvements in our overall well-being, relationships, and quality of life.

Four steps to helping someone get mental health care

Consider the type of support you can give
When preparing to help someone connect to mental health care, consider whether you might be able to offer emotional support, practical support, or both. Emotional support includes being patient, listening without judgment, and checking in on them. Practical support includes hands-on tasks such as childcare, helping them search/signup for care, or accompanying them to their appointments.When deciding what type of support you want to give, consider your own mental health and determine how much you can and want to give. For example, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, pick one way to support them that doesn’t require too much from you, like sharing a mental health resource.
Plan your discussion
If you decide to speak with them directly about your concerns, here are some suggestions:

- Pick a good time and place to have this conversation. Being thoughtful about when and where you share your concerns can help them feel more at ease. Choose a safe, comfortable, and private space to have your conversation. Approach them when they don’t seem overwhelmed and aren’t in a rush or likely to be interrupted. Starting the conversation during a pleasant activity, like playing a video game, watching TV or walking can help ease the mood.

- Prepare for push-back. Mental health struggles can be deeply personal, and not everyone wants or is ready to share‌. It may take several conversations for someone to open up or seek help. If they choose not to open up or seek care, respect their decision, encourage them to take small steps, and offer resources. Regardless of the outcome, expressing concerns lets them know you care. And, your conversation may plant a seed that might help them in the future.

- Consider their beliefs about mental health and cultural influences. Stigma surrounding mental health and professional help remains a challenge. Cultural factors can also affect how we think about, experience, and seek mental health help. Therefore, understanding and respecting their beliefs and culture can support a smoother conversation. For example, you can suggest they connect with a mental health provider who shares their background. Lyra members can search for providers whose identities are similar to their own.

Start the conversation and use the LEAP method during your discussion
After you’ve prepared, you can start the conversation in several different ways using a gentle tone. For example:

- “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed down and distant lately. I’m worried and want you to know I’m here to support you.”

- “I wanted to check in. You seemed stressed the other day. Are you okay?”

- “Could we talk for a few minutes? I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately and I’d like to know how you’re doing.”

Once the conversation has started, you can use the LEAP method, a research-based approach for talking with someone about getting mental health care. LEAP stands for Listen, Empathize, Agree, and Partner. You can incorporate these strategies throughout your conversation, rather than doing each in a certain order.

Listen to them with compassion, respect, and an open mind. Listening without judgment can help others feel more comfortable opening up. For example:

- “I’d really like to hear more about what you’re going through.”

- “I care about you, I’m worried. I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready.”

- Tips for listening: Give them time to talk. Avoid responding too quickly, jumping to problem-solving, and giving advice. Ask questions using a kind, curious tone. Summarize what you heard them say so they know you listened and can clarify anything you may have misheard.

Empathize with them. This means seeing things from their perspective. Sharing your concern for their well-being and relating to their experiences can help them feel understood and accepted. Letting them know you care and want to help can lead them to feel more open to seeking care. For example:

- “I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. It can’t be easy to have no energy, feel sad, and not know what’s wrong.”

- “Tell me more. I want to know what this feels like for you.”

- Tips for empathizing: Share your feelings and thoughts from your perspective. Avoid saying things like “cheer up” and “everything will be fine.” Acknowledge their feelings and let them know it’s okay for them to feel this way. Encourage them to seek help, and, if relevant, share your positive experiences with mental health care.

Agree on what you can. While you may not agree on everything, try to find common ground. This may help them feel less defensive and more open to seeking care. For example:

- “I also hate that you’re feeling this way and want you to feel better.”

- “I agree. What you’re going through sounds really difficult.”

- Tips for agreeing: Listen for things you can agree on. Emphasize your desire to find common ground and support them. Approach the conversation with an open mind and willingness to agree to disagree.

Partner with them on the steps they’re willing to take. Support them with the things they’re willing to act on, like reviewing resources, searching for care, or talking again. For example:

- “What can I do to help you get back to feeling like your old self?”

- “I’d be happy to help. Should we start looking for a therapist together?”

- Tips for partnering: Acknowledge their feelings and the strength it took them to talk with you. Focus on identifying actionable steps.

Following up and sharing resources
At the end of your discussion, ask if you can check in with them again. Consider your well-being, reflecting on how often and when you can realistically check in. When you check in, you can ask how they’re doing, if they’re connected to care, or what support might be most helpful to them.Whether they’re open to seeking care now or in the future, sharing resources can offer them valuable information and support.

Emergency resources:

Call 911

Call your local/county psychiatric mobile response team

Get them to their nearest emergency room

The company is here to support you

Witnessing someone struggling with their mental health and navigating how to support them can be challenging. Expert mental health providers are available to help you navigate these challenges and improve your well-being. Under the Hat’s mental support partners can help you build skills for communicating, coping with difficult feelings and helping your loved one within the limits of your support.