How to make friends as an adult
In good and bad times, healthy friendships are vital for our emotional well-being and growth. Making friends tends to happen naturally when we’re younger—we’re usually surrounded by kids our age in the classroom, on the playground, or at home. As we get older, forming friendships becomes more challenging because of limited opportunities and more demands on our time.
Fortunately, researchers have identified three concrete steps to building a stronger friendship community:
Find Opportunity
When making new friends as an adult, we first need to put ourselves in situations where we’re meeting new people.
Think about your neighborhood, workplace, school, gym, social media platforms, and other communities. Consider visiting places where you share interests with the people around you. These interests can be anything from book clubs to a volunteer organization or yoga group.
Time
While opportunity sets the stage for making friends as an adult, it doesn’t guarantee these friendships will blossom. It’s important we spend time with people we’re interested in getting to know for friendships to form. Studies show it can take about 30 hours of interaction to become “casual friends” and 140 hours to become “good friends.”
You can also interact with potential friends during regularly scheduled activities, like inviting them to your weekly trivia game or a dinner you’re already making. Think about each hour you spend with a potential friend as an investment in your well-being.
Quality interaction
Make your reactions meaningful, and be fully present. Participating in a collaborative activity with a co-worker or classmate where you’re building fun, shared memories will more likely lead to a friendship than just working or studying together.
Tips for connecting with others
Certain types of communication can help people connect to foster newer friendships that will last, and make older friendships even stronger.
Catch up with one another
Proactively offer updates about what’s been going on in your lives. You can do this by alternating between asking and answering questions, so both people have an opportunity to share.
Engage in meaningful conversation
Deep exchanges often take place when people talk about ideas, values, relationships, or other things that are important to them. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and open up when you need to.
Joke around
While it’s important to have people you can rely on during tough times, lightheartedness helps foster bonds, too. Be playful with one another by telling a funny story and not taking every issue too seriously.
Show compassion and check in
This type of communication is about expressing fondness, care, and concern for one another. Offer both physical and emotional support to a friend. Listen to them if they’re going through a tough time, or consider helping with a household task if they look stressed.
Offer appreciation
Showing admiration or respect can do a lot to make those around you feel better. Pay attention and be specific with your compliments, being thoughtful to highlight aspects of someone’s personality and abilities, rather than always mentioning their appearance, status, or access to resources.
Chat with a mental health expert
Interacting with others and stepping out of your comfort zone isn’t easy but it can help you make new friends as an adult. Connect with a mental health provider to learn other ways you can develop meaningful relationships.
If you or someone you know is struggling, your mental health support program is here to support you. Click on your respective country below to learn more about what resources are available to you.